To angry to write anything...

Ok, maybe I am not that angry...well...I am still rather perturbed.  I honestly try to keep my anger in check, but I have been sick lately.  I hate being sick.  It makes me angry.

On the plus side, this recent sickness has allowed me tons of extra time to masturbate.  I am pretty good at it, I can usually "rub one out" about once every three or four minutes.  

Who cares, right?

My whole point here is that being sick has turned me into an "Angry Masturbator."   The main thing that sucks about being an "Angry Masturbator", is that you can only be mad at yourself.  I have no time for that.  I don't want to be an "Angry Masturbator" anymore.  Sure, starting down the "angry road to self-gratification"  was fun at first, but this quickly turned into the "sore road to Baton Rouge" and, I can assure you, having a "Baton Rouge" is not as cool as it sounds.  In fact, it makes non-angry masturbation quite impossible.

In order to "stop the madness," I have decided to focus my anger onto other people/things.  So, in the spirit of internet tradition, here is a list of shit that currently is pissing me off.

1. Dreaming that you cannot sleep:

   This is the worst thing ever.  What kind of sick joke is this.  You fall asleep only to dream that you are laying there, tossing and turning.  You keep adjusting the pillow, you shift the covers around, there is nothing you can do to get to sleep.  It is all a horrible reality until you hear the alarm the next morning.  It is then that you realize that your nightmare has just begun.

    

    

2. Janet Jackson:

   Janet Jackson flat out sucks.  She is the human equivalent of leprosy.  This attention starved bitch tries to steal the spotlight from her pedophile brother by exposing herself during a live telecast of the super bowl.  Then, to top it off, she tries to apologize so that we don't think she is an attention starved bitch.

    

    

3. Nipplegate:

   This is what they are calling the Janet-super bowl thing now.  I swear, we are doomed.

    

    

4. Excessive Speed bumps:

    This is an issue that is near to my heart.  I currently work on a military installation.  Due to the high terrorist threat, there are increased security measures that have been implemented to meet this high threat.  I am not going to get into details here, and I appreciate everything that is done to keep me safe, but I think that installing exactly 57 speed bumps from the front gate to my work is excessive.  I am not kidding, there is way to many speed bumps.  To make things worse, every car in front of me, which on any given day is 4000 cars, has to traverse these speed bumps at a blistering speed of 0.0156kph to insure they don't "scrape."  No big deal, I am a patient man.  I get really pissed when I realize all the cars in front of me are actually SUV's.   What is the reason for this?  Does everyone have a cup of coffee without a lid and they don't want to spill it?  Does the car shake so much going over the speed bump that is causes brain damage in grown adults?  Why am I the only one that has my life sorted out?  I can go over speed bumps at 7kph without spilling or damaging my brain in any way.

    

    

5. Neve Campbell:

   Question:  What kind of actress would sign on to do the movie "Wild things?"  

   Answer: 2 kinds, the Denise-Richard kind, and the Neve-Campbell kind.

   Question:  What sort of self-important bitch refuses to get naked during the pivotal threesome scene in "Wild Things?"

   Answer:  The Neve-Campbell sort of self important bitch..

   What the hell is this all about.  Denise Richards had no problem going topless for artistic reasons, but Neve Campbell thinks she is above that.  I hate her. 

    

6. Meetings:

   I know some people hate meetings after 4:00pm on a Friday afternoon, but I say, why stop there.  I really hate all meetings.  When I get into a meeting, something physiological happens to me.  I get all sleepy and grumpy.  It's the same feeling I get when I am forced to clothes shop with my wife.  She knows how I get, but she still brings me along.  I am sure she has some weird "woman reason" for doing this, but I digress.  

   I hate meetings, all meetings.  The meetings after 4:00pm don't count, I don't go to them.  I am far to smart to walk willingly into a corporate trap.  If the bosses want me to know something, they can email it to me, or use a net and shoot a tranquilizer dart in my ass or neck to capture me in the wild.  That would be sweet.  

   Imagine how cool meetings would be if, instead of getting a lame email reminder of your impending meeting doom, a large safari guy riding a bull elephant would trample into the office, shoot you in the ass or neck with a tranquilizer dart, throw a net around you, and put you in a bamboo cage.  Shit, I would volunteer for meetings if this were the case.   I could be sitting there, at my desk, not working, all the while being stalked by the "safari elephant guy."  I notice something out of the corner of my eye, but it is too late.  My vision would start to blur as I realized I was shot in the ass or neck with a tranquilizer dart.  It would be glorious I tell you.  I would happily go to all meetings, since I would be way to doped up to care.

   To summarize, I hate all meetings.

Ok, well, that is all I can think of for now.  I had some more ideas.  I was going to explain bowling etiquette since no one in the entire universe seems to understand how that works.  I still might someday, but now I am tired and I am just angry enough to go masturbate.  

Thank you for your time.