First and foremost

 

NOTE: This was originally on the blog I created, but in the interest of not having to update two things, I moved it here

 

First and foremost I finally broke down and made a blog. This was originally going to be the first post in the blog, but I got bigger than I had anticipated, so in the interest of prolificizing my life’s work, I will add it to my site also.

Note: Prolificizing is defined as: adding something to a website that I have been neglecting.

I know, I know, I said I would never make a blog. I hate blogs; I hate the whole way the term blog came about. I suppose it is short for web log. You take off the we from weblog and you have blog. Sounds like stupidity to me. When I hear the word weblog, I think of a readout of website statistics or something, here is an example of website stats for my website. Specifically, this is what sick people type into search engines to end up at my site.

google.com (# of Search Requests - Search Phrase Used)

  • 23 sisterfucker
  • 25 brotherfuckers
  • 1 Here

 

yahoo.com (# of Search Requests - Search Phrase Used)

  • 4 sound
  • 4 swollen ear lobes
  • 1 hot
  • 1 dodge
  • 1 KFC
  • 1 fix
  • 1 objects
  • 1 sisterfucker

 

msn.com (# of Search Requests - Search Phrase Used)

  • 1 scary

 

altavista.com (# of Search Requests - Search Phrase Used)

  • 1 ass thumbs

 

Anyways, this is what I thought weblogs were, now I know the difference, and I am pissed for having mistaken a blog for something useful.

Note: Holy crap, check out what people are typing into search engines to find my site. I bet the sicko’s that typed in brotherfu&%$rs, or sisterfu#$%rs are pissed that they did not get to some incest pornography site. Also, who types in “Ass Thumbs”? What sort of site are those people looking for?

Many people (people = my wife) have heard me talk about how I despise blogs. I have been known to say the following things about them:

  • "Blogs are so damn gay"
  • “Why would I want to hear about some else’s boring gay crap?”
  • “I think all bloggers are gay”
  • “My web site is not a blog”
  • “I said IT’S NOT A BLOG”
  • “No, it is not a blog”
  • “AHHHHH, MOTHER F$%^&R, BLOG THIS!!!”
  • “Crap, I think my site is sort of bloggish”
  • “How come popular music is so gay now?”
  • “How can I take a sociology class when I clearly hate everyone?”
  • “THE RIGHT LANE IS NOT FOR PASSING YOU F*#%^NG A$$HOLES”
  • “My, what nice ass thumbs you have”

    Caution: The above four quotes may not actually be applicable to blogs, but you can bet your fuzzy dog balls I said them

    Note: In the previous quotes, I use the term “gay.” When I say blogs are “gay”,” I do not mean that blogs are homosexual (although some undoubtedly are). I use the term gay as a synonym for words like:

    • Stupid
    • Dumb
    • stupidly dumb
    • Ridiculously idiotic
    • Something punk kids do, therefore I hate it

    So as you can see, typing or saying “gay” is much easier and takes less key-strokes/air than typing or saying stupidly dumb

    Please do not be offended…wait, go ahead, I am too busy to worry whether you are offended, I have a blog to put together.

    If you are wondering why this blog has been created, well, it is so I can keep extended family informed of what is going on in our lives. We live in Germany and my extended family lives in the United States. I never call them, and I feel bad in some tiny way. In order to alleviate my guilt, I am begrudgingly composing this blog.

    I do still have my website, which is http://www.goodmeat.net/ , and I will most likely link this blog to it. I will also update the site with more of what you have come to expect from my more prolific “desert years”. This blog will afford me with an outlet for other observations that may not juicy enough to devote an entire page to.

    Oh yeah, as far as keeping people up to date, here goes.

    Last night I helped a friend of my wife move a large bureau up some very narrow stairs. It would seem that her husband is deployed to the Middle East and because of this; he is unable to do it. Anyways, I had a friend help me. He was guiding the front and I was guiding the rear. Because of my positioning, I was able to use my back to brace the bureau when we rested on the stairs. As we neared the top of the staircase, and as we were pivoting this large piece of furniture around the narrow corner (narrow = European), I impaled my back upon an exposed, up-until-now unnoticed, mint condition, three and a half inch screw dangling out of the bottom of the bureau. I immediately took note of the pain, but did not cry out like some noob blogger. I waited until I got home to cry.

    At home, after my cry, and upon further inspection, I could see that the wound was not that bad. It was barely bleeding, however, you could actually see where each individual sharpened thread on the screw chewed me. I can say honestly, that it has been a while since I have been chewed. In fact, I think that last time I was chewed was that time when I was 11 and my friend’s pet German Sheppard chewed on my face. That hurt much more.

    In other news, Madison was informed by her music teacher at school that she has a great singing voice and should join chorus. I guess convincing her not to smoke has finally paid off. Next stop - American Idol. Stop after that - bosses office to submit resignation. Stop after that – home to play World of Warcraft.

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