Never feed a stray General

Generals are just like stray animals.  The other day, I was up at the help desk when a dude walked up to me.  He was wearing shorts and a T-shirt.  He asked me if I could acquire him some speakers for his personal computer.  I, being ever helpful, told him to "go piss up a rope!"  Ok, I didn't do that, I actually helped him.  He followed me out to the storage building and waited patiently while I searched for some extra speakers.  I eventually found some and gave them to him.  He thanked me and left.

About an hour later, the same individual came back up to the help desk and wondered if I could get him a power strip.  Again, I attempted to tell him to go piss up a rope, but instead, what I said was, "sure thing honey, err, I mean, Homey".  I got him the power strip and he was happy again.  I seemed to have made a friend.

Well, it turns out that this "homey" was General Marrow, or Morrow, or Milquetoast, or something.  The name is not important.  What is important is that I was effectively able to get away with calling an Air Force two-star General "Homey".  The trick is to act incoherent and uninterested, while muttering "Go piss up a rope" under your breath.

Ok, how does helping one General with his computer needs allow me to make broad, stray-animal-like assumptions about all generals?  Well, the very next day after the General Homey incident, another individual came up to the help desk and told me that his roommate had got some speakers from me and he wanted to know if he could get some also.  This other individual was also a General, this one was of the Brigadier variety.  His name was General Wonker and was jealous and sad that his roommate had speakers, while he had to go without like a sucker.  I hooked him up and sent him on his way.  Another satisfied General.

Ok, after the 2nd General scored the phat loot from me, the word started to spread.  Soon, 3 more Generals visited me and asked me for various computer parts.  One of them, named General Diggity-Dank, told me that he had tripped the breaker in his quarters.  I sang a hearty rendition of the song "It's Raining men", substituting the "It's raining men" part with "go piss up a rope" while I reset General Diggity-Dank's power.

Soon, lower ranking officers started visiting me for stuff.  I had to tell them that I only worked for officer grades O-7 (Brigadier General) through O-10 (General).  Damn full bird Colonels (O-6) would not leave me alone. 

Here is an excerpt from the night:

Colonel Shatz:  Excuse me sir, yeah, I heard you were the one that could "acquire" things.  Is this true?  Are you the guy?

Me:  Maybe...

Colonel Shatz: Well, if you are, I really need some help. I could pay you some money!

Me:  Keep talking

Colonel Shatz: Well, I am one of 400 Colonels here at the base, and I don't actually have a job.  I was wondering if you could remove the proxy-blocking software so that I can surf the NAMBLA website unhindered?

Me: GO PISS UP A ROPE YOU FUCKING GAYWAD!

Colonel Shatz:  Pardon me?

I finally had to threaten all of them with the deletion of their NT accounts.  They all ran away crying like little overpaid bitches.

Back to my stray-animal assumption.  Ok, I ended up helping a total of five Generals, and there is only six Generals in all on the entire base.  Lets see, that is, what,  83%.  I feel my stray-animal assumption is a safe one.