Clear-Casting

Note before I begin: I play World of Warcraft (WoW), and the following article contains vernacular that some non-WoW players may find confusing/offensive. If you feel confused/offended, then click on the link for the words you are confused/offended by, and it should sort you out. If you are still confused/offended, its your own fault for reading this crap.

I pooped seven times yesterday, and If I had to decribe all seven movements with one word, that word would be "Muddy."

So what right? I obviously ate something my body was religiously against and paid the price. The price in this case, was seven consecutive "crits" against a level 70 elite crap receptacle. Also, I was at work.

Note: Crit is defined as a Critical Strike. It means that I did eight times normal damage. I had seven crits in a row, so you can imagine the devastation.

Another note: "Elite", in this context, means stronger than a normal toilet, with higher than normal damage output and more armor. Also, it was level 70.

Why am I going into all this detail? Well, when I crit that many times in a row, I enter a "clear-casting" state. (I spec'ed for this in college) This "clear-casting" state allows me to think more good, without outside interference.

Note: The last time this "clear-casting state" thing happened, I came up with the word "diabesity", Diabesity (DIE-UH-BEE-SITY) is defined as a "condition suffered by sentient beings who are both diabetic and obese." Here is an example:

"Our cat Misty suffers from stupidity, and diabesity. I hate her."

Well, last night, becuase of this "clear-casting" state, I thought of the greatest thing ever.

I have long searched for a solution to this conundrum, and until last night I was living in a haze of arm-numbing perdition.

I discovered a way for me to sleep on my side, without numbing up my arms. It requires four normal sized bed pillows . I am talking about the pillows that require a pillow case here, not the crappy pillows on the couch, or the wierd "throw" pillows women like to put on the bed that have to be removed from the bed before you can actually sleep on it. Anyways, you take the pillows and you arrange them thusly:

Pillow number one is placed at the bottom between your knees, so as to prevent your knees from knocking together while you sleep (I do not like my knees to touch while I sleep, it is very unconfortable).

Pillow number two, is used to bridge the gap from pillow one and to act as the lower abutment for the magical pillow-bridge/arm-tunnel (more on this later), and is also there to give your upper arm something to rest on if the need arises.

Pillow number four, is used as the partial head resting area and as the upper abutment for the pillow bridge.

Now, if you have placed your pillows correctly, you should have a small gap between pillows two and four. This gap can be referred to as the "arm tunnel" This is where you put your lower arm (the arm that falls asleep when it gets pinned under your body) will rest.

Pillow three lays on top of pillows two and four respectively, and creates a magical bridge. For maximum confort, you can place your head on the upper end of pillow three (which is double padded at this point by the pillow four abutment).

Here is what it would look like.

Note: Pillows two and four can be adjusted to allow for arm massivity.

This is sheer toilet-critting brilliance I tell you!

Now some may look at my patented design (patent pending) and say that the same can be done with one of those "body pillows". Well, my design is for people who are not pansies. Also, my design can be completed without buying any extra unnecessary bedroom accouterments.

To sum up...

• Muddy bowel movements are not all bad.
• I play more World of Warcraft than I should.
• Just because I believe a word I made up is cool, does not mean it actually is cool.
• Arm numbness is a serious condition.
• My new pillow technique is awesome and will change the world.
• Everything I think up is pure gold.
• I am an excellent drawer.
• "Pillow Bridge" or "Arm Tunnel" would be great World of Warcraft guild names.
• I believe that using the term "Arm Tunnel" here in this article is the first time the words "arm" and "tunnel" have been combined and used successfully ever!