Rain

Question:  How do you make an entire country of people who live in the desert completely lose their fucking minds?

Answer:  Have a severe rain storm.

I was sleeping this morning, very soundly, when at about 8:00am, I was awoken by a thunderous sound.  That sound, was, in fact, thunder.  The thunder scared me so badly that I shit in my bed.  It was so loud that I thought my house had been hit with a Scud missile.

Here in Doha, Qatar, it does not rain much.  Well, that is not true, it does not rain EVER.  Because of this, the fine city of Doha is ill equipped to deal with precipitation.  I first learned of this fact this morning.  After cleaning the deficant* out of my sheets, I noticed water leaking into one of the bedrooms.  This bedroom, is the one that is used as an office, so there are numerous electronic devices located in this room.  Many of the power cords and transformer boxes were sitting in water. 

*Note:  Deficant is apparently not in the dictionary, so here is the definition:

Def-i-cant, noun, plural, def-y-kant

A product of Defication.

At first, I figured my roommate could take care of it.  After all, it was his stuff in the bedroom.  I started to get ready for work when a small, vague, germ of a memory crept into my head...

I remembered one time, when I was about 13.  I was taking a bath and decided to find out why the act of fellatio is called a "blow job".  I grabbed the blow dryer, plugged it in, and proceeded to apply it to my "danger zone."  At first, it hurt like hell, because I had the blow dryer set on hot.  I quickly set the dryer to cold and started blowing.

Well, as you all probably know (with the exception of the children reading this), the reason a "blow job" is called a "blow job" has nothing to do with blowing.  I realized this after about 30 seconds of intense blowing action.

Angry and disappointed, I threw the blow dryer down into the bathtub.  As any smart person would know, placing an electronic device into a tub full of water produces painfully life ending results.  I was saved, however, by my erect, 13 year old, fleshy lightning rod of manhood.  The only ill affect I noticed, was now I had to start over growing new pubes from scratch.

Ok, anyway, having remembered all that, I quickly picked up the cords and electronics that were sitting in the water and then cleaned up with water with a towel.  Afterward, while standing there admiring a shitty job shittily done, I realized I was late for work.

I got into my car and pulled out of my driveway.  I then realized another reason while Doha is ill-equipped for rain.  Apparently, overnight, a large lake had grown where the road in front of my house used to be.  It's a good thing I drive an SUV.

Needless to say, it took me a while to get to work.  All along the way, streets were flooded with 2-3 feet of water.  Small compact cars became leaky submarines.  The normal Middle Eastern driving ethic of offensive shit-headedness was magnified tenfold.  People were screaming, children were crying.  Everyone was praying to Allah, asking him why he had sent the wet devil from the sky to forsake them.  I just kept looking at the flooding thinking that a blow dryer would be handy to thin out the traffic.