I have been unemployed for about two months now.  I am not going into details, but I will tell you that it is self induced unemployment.  I am on sort of a vacation while I get my family ready for an impending move to Germany.  I had hoped to have many Germanland stories for you all by now, but since I am not actually in Germany yet, I have none.  (Sorry Smokey)  So, since I have no Germanland stories, I will have to settle with telling you about some of the things that have been going on with me during my vacation.

First and foremost, I discovered a new sort of person.  Well, I did not discover per say.  I merely noticed and then said something about it.  Sort of like Columbus when he "discovered" America. 

Columbus:  "Hey, look at that land over there."

Columbus' first mate: "I saw that land hours ago, I just did not think it was a big deal, sheesh"

Now, we all are forced in school to learn that Columbus "discovered" America in 1492.  There is nothing in any book I read that said his first mate saw the land first.  Therefore, in the interest of being remembered for my blithe turpitude, I am going to reveal to the new sort of person I discovered:

The sisterfucker!

Ok, take a deep breath.  The profanity is somewhat hard to take in all at once.  Just say it quickly and it does not seem as bad.  In fact, if you say it over and over when you are bored, like on Sundays, in church, it totally loses all meaning.  (This actually works with any word, just so you know.)

The sisterfucker is a the sort of person that will befriend any adult sister you may have in the hopes of possibly laying her at a later date*.  Depending on the sister, the sisterfucker might not have to wait until a later date.  Some sisterfucker turnaround times can be a short as a few hours, depending on the location of the laying, or the sluttiness of the sister.

Note:  Sisterfuckers fuck sisters, not their sisters...damn sickos

I am rather surprised I thought of the whole sisterfucking lifestyle.  You see, I can never be a sisterfucker (although motherfucker is on my resume)*.  You see, my wife is an only child and hence has no siblings.  I will also never have a brother.  I was already sad about not having a brother, but now I am even more sad since I will never be a sisterfucker.  I thought of speaking with my wife's parents about having another kid, but I do not think they would understand.  Both of her parents have to be at least 50, and 50 year olds don't really get me.  Ask my Dad.

Note:  In this case, motherfuckers fuck mothers, not their mothers.  I have two kids, therefore my wife is a mother, and I have relations with her on occasion.  That is what makes me a motherfucker.  Anyone who thought differently, should be shot in the face...damn sickos

There are two sisterfuckers in my life at this time, since I have two sisters.  The way things are going, these two specific sisterfuckers will be around for a long time.  One of the sisterfuckers actually took the sisterfucker ruse all the way and actually married my sister.  The other sisterfucker has not actually married my sister, but he seems to be unshakable and will probably be around for a while.

I am not complaining.  As far as sisterfuckers go, these two sisterfuckers are towards the high end of the sisterfucker spectrum.  In fact, I think I got off easy in the sisterfucker department.  One positive thing, is when a good sisterfucker marries your sister, you get a brother-in-law.  Since I have no brothers, this is bonus for me.  One good rule of thumb to follow, the better the sisterfucker, the better the brother-in-law. (I mean better as a person, not better at sisterfucking)

Some the more brother-less readers of this column might think that having a sisterfucker sounds like a win/win situation.  Well, it is if you have the right sort of sisterfucker.  One thing to keep in mind, there is no reason to have a sisterfucker if you do not have a sister.  Sister-less individuals that crave sisterfucker attention are weird and freakish and normally turn into bad sisterfuckers.  You do not want these people around your sisters.

So all you only children out there can stop reading right now.  I do not want you getting any ideas.  Go back to playing by yourself in your room.  There is nothing for you here.

Ok, I am done anyway...

Oh yeah, one more thing.   All this goes for brotherfuckers too. And just so you are aware of the etymology; sisterfuckers, and brotherfuckers collectively, are called siblingfuckers. 

And again, I reiterate, siblingfuckers are not siblings that fuck each other.

Damn sickos